連著幾夜被包圍的惡夢。
驚悚片一樣，莫名害怕，不知為何而逃，不停奔跑，黑衣人逐漸逼近，數量不多卻無法擺脫，恐懼不斷升級。
或是並無黑衣人，跳進某一陌生陰鬱的花園，仍是逃跑，卻鬼擋牆一般四處碰壁，不高的牆，卻怎麼也攀越不出。
同樣的是孤單脆弱，無能為力，用盡全力叫喊，發現時只有內在的嗚鳴，連自己的耳朵也聽不見，更加聲嘶力竭。
黑衣人伸出手，驚恐絕望而醒。
2009-12-24
2009-12-01
2009-11-26
2009-11-19
2009-11-18
追悼會的長度
昨天讀到這樣一個故事：
小孩和父親出門散步，走到殯儀館門口，父親問小孩：幾點了？
小孩看了表說：十點二十五分。
父親再問：看到什麽？
小孩答：門口約有一百多個人，正排隊進入。
父親故意和孩子聊其他事，不久後又問：你現在看到什麽？
小孩：剛才進去的人現在已出來，應該是追悼會結束了。
父親：你看現在幾點？
小孩：十點四十五分。
父親點頭說：你看！人的一生總結起來也只不過短短的二十分鐘，你以爲多麽天大的挫折或成就，根本進不了這二十分鐘。你長大以後無論得意失意，都要記得看開。
感想：
1. 該父心機太重，散步路線詭異。
2. 人的一生不總結於他媽的自我實現、不總結於自我堅持的意義、不總結於自己與他人的有時並不可靠的記憶、不總結於曾經有過的希望、痛苦與愛，不總結於曾經給出的小費、捐過的血或隨便什麼東西，而竟總結于追悼會的長度嗎？
小孩和父親出門散步，走到殯儀館門口，父親問小孩：幾點了？
小孩看了表說：十點二十五分。
父親再問：看到什麽？
小孩答：門口約有一百多個人，正排隊進入。
父親故意和孩子聊其他事，不久後又問：你現在看到什麽？
小孩：剛才進去的人現在已出來，應該是追悼會結束了。
父親：你看現在幾點？
小孩：十點四十五分。
父親點頭說：你看！人的一生總結起來也只不過短短的二十分鐘，你以爲多麽天大的挫折或成就，根本進不了這二十分鐘。你長大以後無論得意失意，都要記得看開。
感想：
1. 該父心機太重，散步路線詭異。
2. 人的一生不總結於他媽的自我實現、不總結於自我堅持的意義、不總結於自己與他人的有時並不可靠的記憶、不總結於曾經有過的希望、痛苦與愛，不總結於曾經給出的小費、捐過的血或隨便什麼東西，而竟總結于追悼會的長度嗎？
2009-11-08
The Fly, by William Blake
Little Fly,
Thy summer's play
My thoughtless hand
Has brush'd away.
Am not I
A fly like thee?
Or art not thou
A man like me?
For I dance
And drink & sing;
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.
If thought is life
And strength & breath:
And the want
Of thought is death;
Then am I
A happy fly,
If I live,
Or if I die.
------------------------------------------
難道這就是所謂「朝聞道，夕死，可矣！」？
人與蠅的同一
在盲目的手中朝生暮死
難道，思想
不過是一場夏日的遊戲？
Thy summer's play
My thoughtless hand
Has brush'd away.
Am not I
A fly like thee?
Or art not thou
A man like me?
For I dance
And drink & sing;
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.
If thought is life
And strength & breath:
And the want
Of thought is death;
Then am I
A happy fly,
If I live,
Or if I die.
------------------------------------------
難道這就是所謂「朝聞道，夕死，可矣！」？
人與蠅的同一
在盲目的手中朝生暮死
難道，思想
不過是一場夏日的遊戲？
My Preety Rose Tree, by William Blake
A flower was offered to me;
Such a flower as May never bore.
But I said, I've a Pretty Rose-tree.
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.
Then I went to my Preety Rose-tree
To tend her by day and by night.
But my Rose turnd away with jealousy:
And her thorns were my only delight.
----------------------------------------
刺乃玫瑰之必要
痛乃愛情之必要
死乃生命之必要
空乃希望之必要
Such a flower as May never bore.
But I said, I've a Pretty Rose-tree.
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.
Then I went to my Preety Rose-tree
To tend her by day and by night.
But my Rose turnd away with jealousy:
And her thorns were my only delight.
----------------------------------------
刺乃玫瑰之必要
痛乃愛情之必要
死乃生命之必要
空乃希望之必要
2009-09-05
鴿子
德萊塞有一篇〈飛鴿〉，收錄在那本不太受注意的《大城市的色彩》裡，其視角與卡爾維諾在《帕洛瑪先生》中的〈2.1.1在陽臺上〉正好相反。
卡爾維諾並不喜歡鴿子，他說它們骯髒、沾染惡習、破壞陽臺植栽。而德萊塞則說它們是城市最美的景象，迷人、有詩意。更有意思的差別是，卡爾維諾從陽臺上的鴿子談到了城市，想象著飛翔俯瞰城市的景象；而德萊塞儘管萬分希望來生能成爲一隻鴿子，但其文章從頭到尾的視角始終是仰望的。
我想，這牽涉到兩件事。第一，德萊塞出身微寒，一輩子從貧困中掙扎著要往上爬；卡爾維諾則出身教養良好的中產階級家庭，完全沒有類似焦慮。因此，第二，德萊塞的作品通常充滿陷入某一社會條件裏不斷掙扎的激情、愛恨與無奈，等等；而卡爾維諾則始終洋溢著冷靜的思辨以及恰到好處的幽默感。
2009-08-26
2009-08-10
2009-08-08
Despair 絕望 - 電影的魔力
有三件事，你永遠也不會在難忘的電影中看到：
1.單戀
2.無力感
3.絕望
大眾娛樂奠基於個人主義（一種只要你相信你真的很想成為某種人，你終究可以辦得到的主義）之上。任何與這個主義有所衝突的東西，都屬於禁忌。
《風雲人物》剛開始時，主角喬治‧貝禮沮喪到想要自我了結，但故事的重點不在這裡，而是在如何克服絕望、如何實現人生的價值與潛能。這也可能是為什麼，這部電影多年來感動了這麼多人。
真實人生中，人們不斷經歷愛一個人卻不被對方所愛的單戀、無力感與絕望。但是看電影，我們追求的是希望，與絕望相反的希望。
----------------------------
那反過來呢？
我們在真實人生中會看到克服絕望、實現人生的價值與潛能嗎？
看電影如人生的是呆子
看人生如電影的是瘋子
1.單戀
2.無力感
3.絕望
大眾娛樂奠基於個人主義（一種只要你相信你真的很想成為某種人，你終究可以辦得到的主義）之上。任何與這個主義有所衝突的東西，都屬於禁忌。
《風雲人物》剛開始時，主角喬治‧貝禮沮喪到想要自我了結，但故事的重點不在這裡，而是在如何克服絕望、如何實現人生的價值與潛能。這也可能是為什麼，這部電影多年來感動了這麼多人。
真實人生中，人們不斷經歷愛一個人卻不被對方所愛的單戀、無力感與絕望。但是看電影，我們追求的是希望，與絕望相反的希望。
----------------------------
那反過來呢？
我們在真實人生中會看到克服絕望、實現人生的價值與潛能嗎？
看電影如人生的是呆子
看人生如電影的是瘋子
2009-07-22
The Czars - Drug
不知為何
想起這首歌
一整天不斷反覆
應該聽了有上百遍吧
然後停止
像來時一樣突然
似乎身體裡有某個開關
比機器人更虛無的某種執迷
來去不由己
You are a drug to me
I never ever thought it otherwise
And I love the lies you've told to me
While looking me directly in my eyes
This is not ecstasy, but it's better than cocaine
and you know that I will miss you when you're gone
but I'm not equipped to play this game
You know your words
They don't mean anything to me
They only serve to fatten up the prey
And when it's time to take them to the slaughterhouse
you slice their throats, continue on your way
This is not jeopardy
and it's not your high school prom
and you know that I will miss you when you're gone
But I'm not equipped to be your mom
You are a drug to me
I never ever thought it otherwise
And I love the lies you've told to me
while looking me directly in my eyes
想起這首歌
一整天不斷反覆
應該聽了有上百遍吧
然後停止
像來時一樣突然
似乎身體裡有某個開關
比機器人更虛無的某種執迷
來去不由己
You are a drug to me
I never ever thought it otherwise
And I love the lies you've told to me
While looking me directly in my eyes
This is not ecstasy, but it's better than cocaine
and you know that I will miss you when you're gone
but I'm not equipped to play this game
You know your words
They don't mean anything to me
They only serve to fatten up the prey
And when it's time to take them to the slaughterhouse
you slice their throats, continue on your way
This is not jeopardy
and it's not your high school prom
and you know that I will miss you when you're gone
But I'm not equipped to be your mom
You are a drug to me
I never ever thought it otherwise
And I love the lies you've told to me
while looking me directly in my eyes
2009-07-15
Mirrors are no defense against nausea by Peter Horn
（René Magritte, Reproduction Prohibited, 1937）Every morning
I switch on my electric razor
to trim my beard
into respectable proportions.
The face in the mirror
has grown stranger
over the years
and I have refused it permission
to use my name.
I tried very hard not to see
what happened behind the mirror.
Nobody likes to be reminded
of the shortness of life.
But the flaking mercury
made the mirror a window
into the chasm.
From：The Rivers that Connect us to the Past & Survivors, p.86
2009-07-01
John Berger X Sebastião Salgado / The Spectre of Hope (2002)
I, I am here. I exit.
But also something else happening. Because they are looking at Sebastião, and they are looking at the camera, and they know that they are looking at the world.
So they address a question: what are you? You, out there in the world? Or, is there anything else out there?
-----------------------------
It is not pleasant to die, lord, if nothing is left in life.
And in death nothing is possible, except on the bases of what is left in life.
It is not pleasant to die, lord, if nothing is left in life.
And in death nothing is possible, except on the bases of what one could have left in life.
2009-06-19
2009-05-30
2009-04-29
The Good Shepherd
A good intelligence agent should be always interesting in complicate, difficult details. This film itself is full of that kind of details, directed by Robert de Niro.
-----------------
Information is power. Dis-information is power. The ability to make information and dis-information, without showing any sign of the power behind, is critical pivotal power.
To own that power, you must set the very yourself into the net of information and dis-information, destructure yourself whatever black or white, moral or immoral, pessimistic or optimistic, and act according to nothing but the orders by that power.
Finally, you own the power, or the power owns you?
Well, so what? You know from the very beginning that only the power matters.
2009-02-10
Year end notes 2008, part 2
21
is missing. don't ask me why.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
stay in love.
23. How many one-night stands?
0
24. What was your favorite TV program?
i don't have a TV set.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no hate list. i am very forgetful of that.
26. What was the best book you read?
the golden notebook – doris lessing
the reader - Bernhard Schlink
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
El pueblo unido jamás será vencido!, and its 36 piano variations composed by Frederic Rzewski
28. What did you want and get?
to be myself.
29. What did you want and not get?
not to be myself.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
WALL‧E
31. What did you do on your birthday?
try not to think of it.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more time free from work.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
order.
34. What kept you sane?
work and not work.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
none.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
economic crisis.
37. Who did you miss?
so many.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
as 37.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
make plans, whatever.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
what did you learned in school today?
Final Thoughts:
life is too short, also too long.
is missing. don't ask me why.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
stay in love.
23. How many one-night stands?
0
24. What was your favorite TV program?
i don't have a TV set.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no hate list. i am very forgetful of that.
26. What was the best book you read?
the golden notebook – doris lessing
the reader - Bernhard Schlink
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
El pueblo unido jamás será vencido!, and its 36 piano variations composed by Frederic Rzewski
28. What did you want and get?
to be myself.
29. What did you want and not get?
not to be myself.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
WALL‧E
31. What did you do on your birthday?
try not to think of it.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more time free from work.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
order.
34. What kept you sane?
work and not work.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
none.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
economic crisis.
37. Who did you miss?
so many.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
as 37.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
make plans, whatever.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
what did you learned in school today?
Final Thoughts:
life is too short, also too long.
2009-02-08
Year end notes 2008, part 1
This is my first blog in English. As Zinta did, some kinds of review of the year 2008 may be a good start. As below:
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
went to Moscow ,the farthest business trip i have ever had.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didn't set up anything like that last year, neither for this year, i think.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
yes. unnaturally.
5. What countries did you visit?
as 1.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
time and money. of course.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
form Oct 2008 to 2009 Jan, i am so busy that i am really afraid of dying at work.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
find a new job and get used to it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
too many to sort.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
yes. my left foot which was hurt during service wrenched again.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
daily bread and books.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
my lover.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my parents. they are never satisfied with me.
14. Where did most of your money go?
food, housing, transportation, all those basic needs. but very few on dressing.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
my new job. at the beginning.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Die Gedanken sind frei, my morning song.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
i am always below the two.
b) thinner or fatter?
thinner.
c) richer or poorer?
poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
studying and sports.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
work.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
as it never happened.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
went to Moscow ,the farthest business trip i have ever had.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didn't set up anything like that last year, neither for this year, i think.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
yes. unnaturally.
5. What countries did you visit?
as 1.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
time and money. of course.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
form Oct 2008 to 2009 Jan, i am so busy that i am really afraid of dying at work.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
find a new job and get used to it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
too many to sort.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
yes. my left foot which was hurt during service wrenched again.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
daily bread and books.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
my lover.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my parents. they are never satisfied with me.
14. Where did most of your money go?
food, housing, transportation, all those basic needs. but very few on dressing.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
my new job. at the beginning.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Die Gedanken sind frei, my morning song.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
i am always below the two.
b) thinner or fatter?
thinner.
c) richer or poorer?
poorer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
studying and sports.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
work.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
as it never happened.
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