G. - John Berger

Falling in love at five or six, although rare, is the same as falling in love at fifty. One may interpret one's feelings differently, the outcome may be different, but the state of feeling and of being is the same.

Being inlove is an elaborate state of anticipation for the continual exchanging of certain kinds of gifts. The gifts can range from a glance to the offering of the entire self. But the gifts must be gifts: they cannot be claimed. One has no right as a lover - except the right to anticipate what the other wishes to give. Most children are surrounded by their rights (their right to indulgence, to consolation, etc.); and so they do not and cannot fall in love. But if a child - as a result of circumstances - comes to realize that such right as he does enjoy are not fundamental, if he has recognized, however inarticulately, that happiness is not something that can be assured and promised but is something that has to try to find for himself, if he is aware of being essentially alone, then he may find himself anticipating pure, gratuitous and continual gifts offerd by another and the state of that anticipation is the state of being in love. You may ask: but what does he have to offer in exchange? The boy, like a man, offers himself - not altogether impossibly. What is impossible, or at least very improbable, is that his beloved will ever recognize either his offer or his anticipation for what they are.

- p.36

G. - John Berger

She notices G. gazing at her. Most men when they stare at an unknown woman who attracts them, have already begun in their imagination the process of seducing and undressing her; they already see her in certain positions with certain expressions on her face; they are already beginning to dream about her. And so, when she intercepts their look, one of two things happens: either they continue to stare at her shamelessly because her real existence does not disturb their dream; or else she will read a flicker of shame in their eyes expressed as a momentary hesitation to which she will be obliged to respond either encouragingly or discouragingly.

He stares at her without shame or insolence. In his imagination he has not laid a finger upon her. His purpose is to present himself as he is. Everything else can follow. It is as though he imagines himself naked before her. And she is aware of this. She recognizes that the man looking at her is utterly confident that he has no need to hide anything, no need of any deception or covering. How is she to respond to such imprudence?

- p.157

Luciano Berio: Naturale

Benjamin Biolay - Ton Héritage

一次

莫非正因如此你才不斷做出蠢事？

夢

1.被脫了褲子，硬架上一架機器，有裝置摩擦陽具，強制射精。

2.抱著一瘦高女人撫摸裸體，四隻指頭插入下體，她皺眉輕聲說痛。

3.體育場般的大教室，上課或受訓場景，忽有大卡車衝入，一個一個輾過。

4.彎身靠近路邊一貓，貓躍起伸爪戳入左眼，劇痛，視線漸模糊，扼住貓頸，貓益發惡狠狠瞪著，掐不死，便將貓頭往地上反覆砸，直至碎爛。

5.我死了。已死的我不知去向，而作為夢的主體的那個我，似乎是個檢察官或是記者，作為一個無關的旁人，進到我的住處，不帶感情，檢視遺留的種種物品，手提袋、桌椅、衣服等等。周圍有些人走動、說話，氣氛如公共場所般平常，沒有人感到異樣或悲傷。

ethos anthropos daimon

ethos anthropos daimon，性格即命運。
1.性格決定命運，而不是例如財富、知識或其他甚麼東西。
2.性格乃命定，生而給定的，不可改變，只能接受。

Piazzolla Tango - Oblivion

Tango其實是情人離別前夜所跳的舞
充滿無法言喻的依戀與悲傷

強與弱

L相信尼采所說的，愛情是弱者發明出來綁住強者的工具。唯一的問題只在於，L堅信，弱者是男人而強者是女人。

沒有中指的手

搭公車回家，遇上長紅燈，看見旁邊並排的公車裡，慘弱白光下一隻沒有中指的手。並非完全沒有，而是從第一個指節中間切斷，末端皮膚內卷成一米字皺折。我睜大眼睛凝望許久，終於確認那中指確實是缺失了，而非以某種奇怪的方式折隱起來。

那年輕男子用這隻手托著下巴，茫然望著窗外。我望著他。原本該有中指的地方，露出男子斯文的臉龐。兩班車上幾乎都只剩我們一個人了。

夜色中，並排的公車空間望去就像一個流動櫥窗，一截偶然被選取、無意間展示出來的人生片段。展示些甚麼呢？自然不是那些缺失掉的東西，而是剩餘，比如他的剩餘手指，下班後共同的剩餘時間，各種意義上的剩餘人生。

某些東西缺失之後，一切就成為剩餘。剩餘的意義不明。但並不是沒有意義。人這種生物能否沒有意義而存活？我不相信。總有些什麼會剩餘。

綠燈亮了。我們繼續去經驗各自的剩餘，承受或逃避那些意義不明的意義。